Finding Rest as a Homemaker

Homemaking is a beautiful calling, but it can also be exhausting. The never-ending cycle of cooking, cleaning, and caring for loved ones can leave even the most perfect housewife feeling drained. However, rest is not a luxury - it’s a necessity. When we take time to refresh our bodies and minds, we are better able to serve our families with love and patience.

I’m sure you are quite aware of this already, but there is a common misconception that housewives and homemakers have it easy. Sitting about all day, taking long lunches, and attending pilates classes. While some little moments of luxury and indulgence can be true some days (and are most likely to make it onto those social media highlight reels), the reality is, that the demands on us vary wildly from day to day and some of the most tiresome cannot be foreseen. They’re not pretty, and they’re most certainly not shared for all the world to see. Perhaps we’re doing a sorry business of sharing the reality ladies? — Myself included!

The fact is, the business of being a housewife and the main care provider for your family means being in a constant state of “response” to your people, and to your environment. This is not a part of life where we can clock-off at the end of the day. It’s a 24/7 job.

Darling, I know you’ve been in those trenches at 3am with bedsheets that have been wet. A stomach bug that hits in the middle of a car journey, a teething toddler to balance on one hip while a teenage emotional meltdown is going on in the other room. A bad cold that takes you all down, but offers little recuperation time for you. Tired and exhausted at the end of the day but still helping your husband sort through the muddle in his mind.

As the seasons pass by, in both marriage and motherhood, the tasks and the demands placed on you evolve in new ways. In my own life, while the stage of nappies, wet beds, and the more practical hands-on work of motherhood is coming to a close, the mental load has increased exponentially. I’ve noticed my heart rate jumping a little more, can hear a nag in my voice when boundaries are pressed, and my listening ear needs to constantly be open. Ready to drop whatever task is at hand in order to respond intentionally.

Conversation can be intense, and I’m always acutely aware of what my son is really trying to say between the lines. I find I’m desperately seeking my heart for the wisdom, words of faith, and comfort that I know will be the only remedy. Meanwhile battling against the influence of the world that seeps into our home so easily via the media and worldly opinion. Trying to teach as best I can, that we as a family need to be aware of what’s happening, but not always follow along — Just because we can, doesn’t mean we should. How to make right choices. Those once little scraped knees, are now manifest in scraped pre-teen egos, and bruised feelings in a new teenage world that seems so alien to my own experiences.

It’s all rather “skibidi” right now (as the kids say)...

Nurturer: noun. Someone who nurtures others, offering food, protection, support, encouragement, or training: As a child grows, the parent ceases to be solely a disciplinarian and a nurturer, instead taking on a new role as mentor and guide.

Whether you are five days in with your first little one, or have done this five times over by now - being a mother, homemaker, and professional nurturer is challenging, and exhausting. I cannot even fathom how women who work outside the home do this as well as working full time!

I really respect those that can and do perform both roles, however I have to be honest with you in that I personally think “having it all” is a lie that feminism has sold to us, and we’ve bought into it too easily.

Having the ability to go and work outside the home is a nice option to have for those that want it, but let us not forget the work performed at home too. It’s a demanding role, and one that also requires rest, just as much as those in full time employment require it. If professional contracts mandate set working hours and weekends off, then surely we must take care of ourselves and diligently seek rest too?

So how do we do that in a role that asks us to offer ourselves up in a way that is always serving and requires us to be available at all times to our loved ones?

Embrace the simplicity of rhythm over routines

I implore you to think of a routine as more of a rhythm, rather than a restriction.

I’m not a fan of strict routines or these homemaking checklists you can download off the internet as I value flexibility and creativity. It’s just what works best for my personality type and our family’s lifestyle - I married the most spontaneous man - but I have found that simple routines and living by rhythms to the week can be really helpful in creating serenity and a sense of order at home. I can bounce things around according to whatever curveball has been thrown my way and it’s honestly freeing to recognise that. Rather than try and shoehorn myself into someone else’s prescribed routine whose life or intricacies of home does not reflect my own.

You’ll never find me with a diary or a checklist ticking-off tasks as I go, because that’s just how I operate my home the best, but implementing a simple and sustainable daily routine that you always bear in mind, can reduce stress and bring a sense of peace. Instead of trying to do everything at once, I like to focus on small manageable tasks, and give myself grace if I don’t manage to get to something that day. I’m only thinking about what I need to do next. I set myself a minimum of the things that must get done, and everything else is a “will be nice to do” list for the week. For instance, we must all be clothed and fed, and the standards of hygiene mustn’t slip - but organising the wardrobe can be pushed if we need to go and do something else. I can iron a shirt that is needed today, but prioritise another more pressing task ahead of choosing to iron the whole basket.

This flexibility makes me feel less stressed about “getting it all done” (and honestly girl, just stop watching those videos if they make you feel like you’re failing!).

Honouring your own personality and family life ahead of what those 1950s housewife guides tell you you should be doing is a quick win in feeling instantly rested.

I can make you this promise too, a man doesn’t want a contentious and harassed housewife! He wants to come home to a soft place. A home that is welcoming and full of smiling faces, not a show home.

Prioritise daily chores, but let go of perfectionism. In the morning this is as simple as making the bed, opening the curtains, emptying the dishwasher, breakfast, making packed lunches, and seeing children off to school.

One load of laundry per day, and preparing dinner. In the in-between moments look around and think to yourself “what have I got the time for and energy to tackle that day”, and do that while letting go of the idea of creating a perfect home. As long as the place is hygienic, it doesn’t need to be tidy.

Little messes are normal, don’t let your Pinterest or Instagram feed deceive you into thinking your home shouldn’t look “lived in”. Perfectionism can be a thief.

Establishing morning and evening rhythms that help you ease into and out of the day are the ones that will help you find the most rest. Trying to conquer everything before 10am is a recipe for disaster and burnout - so use your “rhythms” to find little moments where you can steal some time for yourself.

The idea of getting my rest in the evening, soaking away in a luxurious bubble bath might sound amazing, but is not at all feasible in my home. My boys want my time and attention then, so rather than fret about not getting it ’my way’, I seek out other options. In this season, between 2-3pm on weekdays is my personal sweet spot. Most of the morning and daily tasks have been completed, and I know that all I have ahead of me from then on is the dinner routine. This time is just before my son returns from school and I’ve found that seeking a little solitude in this hour helps me to recharge for this “second shift” of mothering him, and having my husband come home from work.

I will usually have a cup of tea and read a book in the quietest part of the house. If I’m not feeling like reading I will watch a YouTube video that I know will be inspiring and uplifting. This is the only rule I do have - it has to nourish me. Rest is only rest-full if it nourishes and recharges.

I make sure to always listen to my mood and my gut instinct about what type of book or video will be the best response to how I’m feeling and what my soul craves that day. I’ll flip-flop between a novel, a devotional, or my amplified Bible.

The usual suspects for passive moods where I want to watch something instead are my friend Natalie’s channel for a “dose of home”, and really cosy homemaking. Little House on the Mountain for slow living and spirituality, or Culture Apothecary which is my favourite if I’m in the mood for learning about things intended to improve my health and wellbeing - they don’t deny that female bodies were created differently and the resources about our specific health and hormonal needs are always fascinating.

Sometimes finding rest around the routine and demands of homemaking isn’t about reinventing the wheel, it’s about reverse-engineering where you can.

Look to nature and natural foods

Crunchy homemakers have known this since the dawn of time, but we really have been blessed with an abundance of natural remedies and options on this beautiful Earth that, when used properly and consistently, will nourish your body and fend off the negative affects of “unnatural” living. Processed foods, artificial light, medications, over-stimulation, and not enough time in nature can deplete our bodies of the resources it needs to rest. We reap what we sow, and that is true of what we eat.

Batching similar tasks together, like meal-prepping or laundry, helps to save energy, both literally and figuratively! If you have the luxury of a little bit of freezer space, it’s worth doubling recipes such as bolognese, or chilli in order to freeze portions for those weeknights when your energy levels aren’t quite what they could be. Making your own chicken stock or bone broth is also a good idea if you want simple and nutritious meals in a hurry, or when illness strikes. Simply add some protein like a rotisserie chicken or beans, along with some pearl barley, macaroni, or orzo and throw in any vegetables you have.

Focus on cooking from scratch, and using whole foods and avoiding as much processed food as possible. Don’t get me wrong, I love a chocolate bar as much as the next girl, but try and concentrate on feeding yourself as well as you can. It helps sustain your energy levels.

“Then God said, ‘I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food.’” Genesis 1:29 (NIV). “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” 1 Corinthians 10:31 (NIV). “Everything that lives and moves about will be food for you. Just as I gave you the green plants, I now give you everything.” Genesis 9:3 (NIV).

These verses remind us that our choices, including what we eat, should honour God and our bodies. Mindful eating aligns with acknowledging God’s provision of both plants and animals for food that have been given to us for nourishment and in turn, rest. Turning toward a life that is simple and a natural is the best way to sustain us. The best choices in life are always what is pure and good.

Making such lifestyle choices according to what has been provided for us as God/nature intended, without the use or interference of a factory, involving ingredients we cannot even recognise, let alone pronounce, is a way to put the body into a state of natural rest. Proper nourishment puts our bodies at ease, thus avoiding dis-ease… Therefore, we must concentrate on increasing nutrient dense foods into our diet. A great book on this topic is Nourishing Traditions, it should be on every homemakers’ bookshelf!

When stress and fatigue set in, turn to natural things to calm your mind and body

Herbal Teas such as chamomile, lavender, and lemon balm promote relaxation and restful sleep. Adding a cup into your nightly routine will promote rest in the ritual of it as much as the drink itself. We give our babies and little ones cues that it’s time to go to sleep and get some rest - like a warm bath, getting into our jammies, making the house cosy, a cup of milk, and bedtime stories. So why not provide our own nervous system a clearly defined signal as well? Rest is quite often found in small, repetitive, and consistent routines like a cup of chamomile tea and a “putting the house to bed” because it forms a habit and expectation that our bodies will respond to. It rewires the brain in a positive way.

Living with the seasons can also make you feel more at peace with life. Simple acts like preserving something, no matter how small a batch, can connect you with nature and create a mindful but productive hobby for you to enjoy. Resting isn’t always about doing nothing.

Choose beeswax candlelight for “hygge”, and essential oils over artificial parrafin-based candles, scented products, and overhead lights. Diffusing lavender, cedarwood, or frankincense can help create a peaceful atmosphere.

Blue light that is emitted from the TV, tablets, and your mobile phone can interrupt the production of melatonin. This is a chemical in your brain that helps to induce relaxation and sleep when the natural light levels (at sunset) go down. Not allowing the body and mind to adjust to “night time rhythms”, by stopping the flow of this hormone, can cause restless sleep patterns, and even insomnia. It’s one of the simplest switches you can make to slow the pace of your day, and make yourself feel more rested. Come sundown, refuse to use overhead lighting - instead opting for low level lamps with warm white bulbs, candlelight, and ideally no handheld screens.

You’ll soon notice the benefits in home atmosphere, sleep patterns and the pace of life in your home once the sun goes down. People are much likelier to talk in soothing, hushed tones if the light is low. Great for harmony in the home!

Get outside and touch grass! Put your bare feet on the soil, or the sand. No matter the weather, take a walk, or sit in the open air if a walk isn’t possible. There are many scientific studies that prove a physical connection between humans and the natural elements which recalibrate our bodies in a natural way. I read just this week that the negative ions in the atmosphere at the beach impact our serotonin levels thus reducing anxiety and stress. So too, “grounding”, which is as simple as going barefoot in the back garden or at the park for a while helps with balancing the electrical energy in your body. Connect with nature in any way you can. 

Slow down and simplify your home

While I am an advocate for a lovely lived-in space that reflects the interests and characters of the people that live there, “clutter” is a different matter entirely. It’s hard to feel rested and able to focus if you are surrounded by too much stuff. A place that is restful to the eye, is also restful to the body. Keeping your home simple to manage, and as peaceful as possible makes it easier to relax.

Personally I like to use natural light and soft colours to create a calming atmosphere. When I feel a bit overwhelmed, anxious, or unable to sit still - I find that removing items that are catching my visual attention really “clears the decks” and brings about a restful feeling.

So what does a “simple” home look like exactly? For me, I like plain-ish yet rustic things, with a touch of utility. There is one item in my home that I look at and think “ahhh, that encompasses it”... and it’s a white dutch oven with a gold knob! It has a few knocks, and I bought it for $8. However it’s the fact that it functions as so much more than mere decoration that captures my heart. The things that are used, battered and bruised, but can tell a story often turn out to be the most beautiful and beloved things (much like people, non?).

For you, it might be a colourful space. Learning more about yourself and leaning into your personal tastes rather than what is trending can clear your mind as well as your personal spaces from the overwhelming pressure of outside influences. In life pre-social media, homes were a lot more humble-looking than what we see on the internet these days. If your 1970s stone fireplace still works, and it isn’t in the budget to remove it then don’t! It might be impressive and will “look nice” if you do, but it’s not impressive to run yourself into debt over it. What’s restful about the stress to impress?

You have permission to stop striving to keep up with the home renovation accounts! A simple, calm home is a far nicer environment for a family than living in a house you are constantly scrutinising and fretting about.

The home doesn’t make the homemaker. It’s putting the cart before the horse if you believe otherwise.

When your home reflects who you truly are, it provides a sense of safety and a positive emotional trigger to help you let your guard down. “You’re home darling, be yourself. You can relax here.”

Decorating simply, with temporary seasonal decor (not too much), and with houseplants or fresh flowers can enhance your space and make it feel cosy, as well as enhancing the air quality and mood. All vital ingredients to make you feel calm, even when your life and your family keeps you busy.

Lean on faith and let go of control

Perhaps the hardest lesson yet. As parents, and one half of the unit doing the “adulting” in our homes, it’s hard not to try and control every little facet of life. Perhaps, if you’re like me and there is a clear division of labour in the home with your husband, then you might know how much better it is to let go of the control in certain areas and trust your other half.

Well, the same is true of life and God’s plan for you.

True rest comes from trusting in your husband, and in God’s provision. You are where you are for a reason!

It’s a blessing to be able to stay home, but that doesn’t mean it won’t have emotional, not to mention financial challenges. These can be met with fear, or faith, and it’s your decision which path to choose. Trusting in God’s plan is the most restful option. Get on your knees and pray it out when your heart and mind won’t rest. Learn to let go of unrealistic expectations and surrender your burdens. You’ll be surprised how you’ll feel once you do.

After all, there has been clear instruction all this time…

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV)

Focus on gratitude and the simple joys of homemaking

Finding rest as a homemaker requires intentionality. By simplifying your home, choosing rhythms over strict routines, embracing the slow and natural, and leaning on faith, you can create a peaceful and restful environment for yourself and your family.

Remember, rest is not a sign of weakness - it’s a way to restore your strength so you can continue serving with love and grace. Enjoying the Sabbath (even if it’s broken into bite size pieces in this season of life for you) is not a luxury, it is a command.

As I sign off, I’m glancing at the pin-board above my desk. Held securely by a thumbtack is a quote that says “I trust the next chapter because I know the author”. I hope you can find rest in that same small assurance too.

With love as always,