Why are housewives and homemaking looked down on?

If you’re a homemaker, something you may have felt quite keenly at some point in your life is the lack of cultural respect for your role at home. It can feel quite isolating to “stay at home” in today’s world, and the narrative and discourse about “Trad Wives” in the media in recent years is that it is problematic to stay home, raise your children yourself, and not earn an “income”. Worse still that all housewives essentially rely on their partner to provide for them. Horrifying.

What’s so bad about being a housewife these days?

Long story short, it is now seen as oppressive, lacking in any freedom, and those that talk about the joy of it are seen as dangerous to the younger women in society! Taking us back decades to a time before equality, feminism, and like we are pushing for a dystopian world whereby women are powerless, controlled by a patriarchal society, have no female agency and individuality, and our reproductive rights are suppressed. (I’ve not read Margaret Atwood’s novel ’The Handmaid’s Tale’, nor seen the TV show by the way. I have no interest in consuming media of that kind, and I’m concerned for women who do not realise that it is feminist fiction). In western society, we are lucky to have choice, and I would stand in a picket line alongside all women if a future like this looked like it would come to fruition! However, I want to be at home with, and for, my family - and I’m sure you do too!

Yet something is wildly amiss in the way we are represented, and truth be told, a shift to move women out of the home and into the workplace has been happening for decades, and has perhaps finally succeeded in valuing one over the other. It would take a heck of a lot to backtrack now, and to be frank when has there not been a time when women had a voice, choice, or did something remarkable? Perhaps it wasn’t culturally “normal” for women to do these things throughout history, but the same could be said for homemaking not being culturally normal today.

Oh what rebels we are ladies!

This post today isn’t intended to whine about it, but instead explain why this might be. I’ve written about it here on the blog for many years now, and spoken to the world’s media (often banging my head against a brick wall) about the phenomenon of the denigration of “one of the most important jobs in the world”. Blame can lay with the conspiracy that the tax man did it, that feminism and unhappy housewives did it, but that’s not helpful. What’s done is done.

We can continue to point fingers, we could complain, but what I think will make a true difference and be a better use of our time and energy is for us as homemakers to be aware of it, and arrive at a silent understanding that while the world might not like what we do, should we actually care?

There are now many many women in the homemaking spaces online advocating for what we do, myself included, and the celebration and rise of popularity as “homemaking as a calling” is a wonderful thing.

Housewives are often looked down upon because modern society tends to place a higher value on career achievements, financial independence, and external productivity rather than the quiet, unseen work of homemaking. Here are some of the key reasons that I think are behind this mindset:

There has been a cultural shift toward careerism over motherhood

In the past, being a homemaker was widely respected because it was seen as an essential role. But as feminism and modern values have emphasised workplace equality, some people now view homemaking as outdated or oppressive, rather than a valuable and fulfilling choice.

There is also a common misconception that your career will fail should you leave the workforce, and that daycare is the best choice for mother and baby. It is not! We live in a world that makes it nearly impossible for most mothers to stay home with their children and that is a real tragedy, but do not be fooled that it is the better choice.

Of course, there will always be women who value careers over motherhood and homemaking, and that’s ok. We should each do what makes us happy, but to hold one above the other is not fair, and certainly not in the best interests of fostering equality among females themselves.

A common misunderstanding of homemaking’s value

Many people underestimate the work that goes into managing a home, raising children, and creating a peaceful, nurturing environment. Since homemaking doesn’t generate a paycheck, it is often seen as less important than jobs outside the home.

Homemaking is more than chores; it is the sacred work of creating a haven where love, faith, and peace dwell.

Consumerism & productivity culture reigns supreme

Even within our own ranks! You only need to take a cursory glance at the “get it all done” culture within the homemaking sphere on social media to know that we ourselves can be quite competitive ..... Modern culture often defines a person’s worth by how much they earn, what they own, or contribute to the economy. Yet many people fail to realise that your home is an economy and choosing to focus your energy on only that is enough. Since homemakers work within the home rather than in a corporate setting, their contributions are often ignored—even though they are invaluable in raising future generations and fostering strong families.

I can promise you, that you do contribute to society as a whole but in ways that you may not realise. While you may not do it for financial remuneration, you are likely the hands and feet of your community while all others are at work! How often have you been able to step in and help someone in need? Your flexibility has allowed you to bless someone with your time, or saying yes to the request for a simple last minute favour.

Heck, saying this out loud may go down like a lead balloon but I believe you are even helping career women by not working in direct competition with them! Opening up more job opportunities and positions outside the home for those who do actually want them! It’s a distorted view of it all, but it’s true. Our stepping out of the workforce indirectly benefits the women who want to be in it!

Lack of immediate or external recognition by our peers, and the wider culture

Homemaking is often a quiet, behind-the-scenes role. Unlike a career where promotions, raises, and awards acknowledge effort, homemakers rarely receive public recognition for their sacrifices and hard work.

A lot of the jobs we do are seen as mundane, routine, and uninspiring, but Tasha Tudor said it best:

“I enjoy doing housework, ironing, washing, cooking, dishwashing. Whenever I get one of those questionnaires and they ask what is your profession, I always put down housewife. It’s an admirable profession, why apologise for it. You aren’t stupid because you’re a housewife. When you’re stirring the jam you can read Shakespeare.”

Like Tasha, I have written some books in my time at home, and I enjoy being creative. Those things have the potential to bring an (unreliable) income - but they are not my main profession. This is true of all homemakers who might have a little side hustle. In employment outside the home you are contracted to do one thing for financial remuneration, at home you are not remunerated, but you are free to run your day as you choose, and also include whatever may fill your cup! It’s not just limited to weekends or after hours.

People won’t necessarily be able to see what you do, or think that laundry and dishes are exciting work - but the behind the scenes things, the sacrifices, and the hard work directly benefits your family rather than a boss who can easily replace you. Give me laundry all day long!

There are misconceptions about dependency, and modern slavery

Some people assume that housewives are “dependent” on their husbands and, therefore, lack freedom or self-sufficiency. This ignores the reality that homemaking is a deeply meaningful and intentional choice, not a lack of ability or ambition. Many homemakers feel liberated by their roles, not trapped.

True my husband earns our income, he has released me from the responsibility of that role, and my end of the bargain is that my work in the home releases him from most of the work at home too. He still takes out the bins, and slays spiders for me. DIY is mostly his domain, as well as the heavy lifting. He stacks the dishwasher (like a Swedish Architect would - very precise), and has been known to push the vacuum round on occasion if company is imminent and I need an extra pair of hands.

The difference is, he’s not expected to do the homemaking, because that is not his role. I too am not expected to bring in an income. It’s all hands to the pump, but very different pumps!

I like Dave Ramsey’s views and advice on marital finances - he says that the moment you are married, all finances become “ours - not yours and mine” no matter who earns what. Women today are taught that freedom comes from earning their own money, and to keep it separate - this fosters a spirit of lack and is a fearful way of thinking.

There is more than enough money available to us in this world, but many don’t steward it correctly and are culturally programmed to think that we need more than we really do! If we live in a consumerism mindset then of course we will need bags of cash and a high flying career in order to pay for it! Just as much as this fearful mindset exists, so too do life insurance policies, savings accounts, and Lord forbid, divorce lawyers.

To think that you won’t be able to pick yourself up from the terrible notion that your husband will leave you penniless and destitute means you’re either not marrying the right sort of man, or you have trust issues that need working through.

Many women through history have been scorned by a husband who will not provide, but so too have men been scorned by women who deny access to children, or he does provide but feels under-appreciated and like a stranger in his own home. We need to look at things from both sides, men aren’t the enemy.

A sense of “division” is like a cancer to a partnership. Divide your responsibilities under the roof of your home in order to honour your togetherness, that way you can conquer and prosper - but take care not to divide yourselves into a “yours and mine” situation.

Housewives and their husbands are dependent on each other for the common good of the family, and each labour accordingly to meet their common goal; creating a home life that is happy, stable, and family-focused.

I am happily dependent on my husband, but that is not a bad thing - because he is dependable!

We have a distorted media representation of housewives

Movies, TV shows, and even social media often depict housewives as lazy, unintelligent, or unfulfilled. Worse yet, oppressed and controlled by their men! These stereotypes fail to capture the joy, purpose, and depth of homemaking.

I have made mention of this myself many times to journalists who would question me on the “why?” of writing this blog. I would ask them to name a “happy housewife” currently on television. *Crickets*.

They all fail to name a single one. Think on it yourself! Who can we look up to? Where is the role model in mainstream media today? Martha Stewart sure makes a pretty pie, and can craft and organise with her eyes closed - but she’s not exactly a homemaker or fulfilled housewife. The surface appearances of a nice home, do not an actual homemaker make.

Matters of making perfect ham pinwheels are attended to yes, but not matters of the heart. That, my darling, is not ’a good thing’.

Unless you consumed old TV shows that were popular before second-wave feminism, the only cultural media representations of housewives our generation had available as impressionable children and young women were miserable ones. It’s a matter of brainwashing us to believe that the likes of the career girls in Sex and the City, and all the rom-coms have it better… Funny how they were all chasing a ring and commitment though, eh?

Back in “the good old days” of the 1950s and early 1960s, of course it was all a marketing ploy, filming happy housewives in their homes and creating advertisements featuring her, and yes, these ideal homemakers were actresses or models - but at least it served its purpose as positive aspiration!

Modern shows, and magazines have a pre-occupation with providing shocking news, gossip, discourse on gender roles in a negative light, and click-bait headlines to gain ad revenue. The more they grab your attention with negativity, the more money they earn through advertising! They don’t care if it’s factual, based on hearsay, or hurtful.

Hollywood and the media is a different world of ideals, twisted values, and scandals that sadly trickles down to and influences modern culture. Now the “tastemakers” of how we should live, and who provide the most widespread representation of marriage, women, and healthy family dynamics are decided by convicted sex offenders, idolators, and some very unhealthy individuals.

Papers and click-bait articles are written by young people who are trying to make a name for themselves, with no understanding of running a home, the delicacies of marriage, or raising children. No wonder they write such rubbish and paint it in a negative light - they have no idea!

We’re sadly (for the time being) living in a world that glorifies porn, our young girls wish to become TikTok stars, boys are listening to misogynistic male influencers, and the idea of family means very little. The happy life of a homemaker simply doesn’t “sell”, and a positive representation of many women the world over is now lost to time.

Having a family, a healthy marriage, and making the choices necessary to be a homemaker is becoming a revolutionary act, but don’t expect the media to view it kindly! It detests traditional gender roles, feminine women, and despises men even more!

All this to say, it’s not exactly a place that has its moral compass pointing in the right direction. So pay no mind, it is no longer a place that represents you. Go out into the world, and be not afraid to tell the truth of who we are and what we do!

Tell other women, and be honest about this lifestyle, share the beauty of it, and how it benefits you to reject society’s opinion, because they need to hear it! No one else will offer them this alternative view.

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things.” Phillippians 4:8 (NIV)

Spiritual blindness towards the true value of home, marriage, and family

From a Christian perspective, the world naturally devalues what God esteems. Homemaking is a role of service, sacrifice, and love — things that the world often overlooks. But Scripture affirms the importance of a well-ordered home and a woman who builds up her household (Proverbs 31:10-31, Titus 2:3-5).

Despite this cultural bias that eschews the ideals set out by God - even those who don’t follow a faith but live by these same values - homemaking still remains a powerful and honourable calling. The impact a devoted homemaker has on her family, her community, and even future generations is immeasurable. Those who criticise homemakers often fail to see the generational and eternal significance of a well-tended home.

Homemaking is a ministry of love — shaping hearts, nurturing souls, and filling ordinary moments with eternal purpose.

It’s a sorry shame that negativity towards a calling can be considered “fair game” for mocking, but if the scoffers aren’t married to your spouse, (and thankfully not) raising your children, or living in your home, why should their opinion matter? The world professes to be a “you do you” culture, perhaps anyone banding that statement about should learn to practice what they preach!

Despite what the world says about “what you do”, please be audaciously proud to be a homemaker! You are fulfilling a role of deep significance — one that shapes the hearts and souls of your family. You are creating a sanctuary of love and faith for them. In a world that measures success by salaries and promotions, homemaking stands as a quiet yet powerful rebellion against the fleeting values of materialism.

The corporate world may offer prestige, but it often demands a sacrifice of time, energy, and devotion that leaves little room for the most important work; building a home where your husband and marriage is honoured, children are nurtured, and peace reigns. A homemaker is not simply “staying home”, she is cultivating a space where life flourishes, where meals are made with love, where prayers are lifted, and where her family finds rest from the weariness of the world. Hustle culture is not her idol, and her work may not come with a pay check, but it is rewarded in the joy of seeing her children grow in wisdom, her husband strengthened by her support, and her home filled with warmth and faith. True fulfilment is not found in climbing the corporate ladder but in embracing your soul’s calling to steward a home with grace, purpose, and eternal impact.

You’re doing a fine job!

With love as always,