Why women complain about their Husbands (and how to stop it)

In today’s culture, it’s common to hear women openly complaining about their husbands and partners to friends, on social media, or even in casual conversation. Men are often the butt of the joke when it comes to the female narrative on marriage and relationships, and topics which were once considered private, secret, or sensitive is now normalised as a form of “venting” or social bonding.

It’s something I have sadly experienced in social settings more times than I’d like to admit, and each time, it leaves me feeling deeply uncomfortable. There’s a strange tension when the conversation turns to complaints about husbands - almost as if it’s expected or accepted. I’ve often found myself sitting in silence, and doing my best to stay quiet. The tirade hardly allowing space for another perspective on the issue… The negativity in the air feels heavy, and the judgement, though often unspoken, lingers. It makes me question why this is the norm, why it feels so natural to tear down our partners instead of lifting them up?

It’s also incredibly unfair, especially in this age that champions gender “equality”...

Can you imagine if men talked about their wives the way we talk about our husbands? There’d be an uproar, and rightfully so! It’s not only unfair, but also pretty sexist. We’d never tolerate that kind of talk, so why do we let it slide the other way around?

A reader reached out to me last week, seeking advice on how to handle the uncomfortable reality of complaining about her husband - and more importantly, how to avoid falling into this trap herself…

Why do women complain about their husbands?

Dear Alena,

I have been married for just over 1 year, but during stressful times I have felt the negative and slippery slope of being frustrated with my husband and then vocalising it. It is also something I have noticed on social media and with certain friends, where it is very normalised to moan or grump about their husbands.

This is behaviour I really do not want to partake in, and I am very curious about your thoughts and opinions. I also need a positive influence and you tend to be that for me, so I was hoping you would have something to say about this as your books have already given me so much influence and optimism in being a good and supportive wife.

All my best,
Tabitha xxx

How to stop complaining about your husband and strengthen your marriage

First we much question why so many wives fall into the habit of complaining about their husbands!

In my twelve years as a wife, I’ve noticed that many women fall into this pattern without even realising it. It’s as if complaining about husbands has become a normal part of female bonding, with no real advice given to address the root issue. Instead, blame and ridicule take centre stage, leaving the real problem unexplored, unspoken, and unresolved. Each time you meet up, it seems like the conversation tends to focus on the same old complaints. It’s a cycle that seems harmless on the surface, but in reality, it only deepens dissatisfaction and erodes the foundation of marriage.

As traditional wives, we are called to honour and uplift our husbands, not tear them down. It’s time to reflect on why this common habit takes root and, more importantly, how we can choose a better, more loving path that strengthens our marriages and fosters true respect.

The truth behind why women complain about their husbands

There are a few reasons why modern women might complain about their husbands to their friends, though not all women do this, it’s still a pretty common occurrence. Some of the main reasons include:

Cultural influence! It plays such a significant role in shaping how we communicate about our relationships. In modern society, venting and emotional expression are often seen as healthy ways to cope with issues. TV shows, movies, and social media portray women gathering to share their troubles, including marital frustrations, as a bonding experience, but they sometimes overlook the importance of addressing these issues within the marriage itself. Even having a “complaining mother” can influence how we speak about our own husbands.

Over time, this widespread normalisation leads to unhealthy habits where frustration is aired publicly rather than resolved privately, damaging trust and intimacy. When we start treating these issues as communal rather than personal, it shifts the focus from problem-solving to venting, often at the expense of the relationship.

A lack of biblical perspective on marriage affects both believers and non-believers alike. In Scripture, wives are called to respect and honour their husbands (Ephesians 5:33), viewing marriage as a sacred covenant before God (or even simply something sacred in its own right). However, many women today, regardless of faith, aren’t taught this foundational truth. Instead, they often focus on personal happiness and emotional expression, viewing marriage as a partnership for personal fulfilment rather than a union of two people with flaws, and feelings. When women focus more on their own feelings and less on mutual respect, it can easily undermine the love, trust, and honour that a marriage is meant to thrive on.

Complaining about your husband may seem like a way to bond with friends, but it’s actually destructive. Not only does it breed negativity, but it also harms your husband’s reputation and your own. Each complaint chips away at trust and respect, creating a cycle of criticism rather than solutions and gratitude.

When emotional needs go unmet in marriage, it’s tempting to turn to your friends for support. But there’s a fine line between seeking advice and simply venting your frustrations without looking for a solution. While your friends may offer comfort, true guidance and solutions come from your husband, a trusted counsellor, or a mentor whose marriage you admire. These are the people who can help you navigate challenges, offering wisdom and perspective - not just validation.

Cultural influences, particularly through the lens of modern feminism, have shaped many women’s views of men, often portraying them as incompetent, out-of-touch, or unworthy of respect. This narrative makes it seem almost normal to complain about husbands, rather than seeing it as a harmful habit that undermines the marriage. Movies, TV shows, and social media often mock men, depicting them as clueless or inept, while women are portrayed as the wise, competent decision-makers. This portrayal feeds into the idea that it’s acceptable, or even empowering, to speak negatively about one’s husband. This false perspective not only damages the relationship between a wife and her husband, but also perpetuates a cycle of misandry and disrespect, where husbands are treated as the punchline of jokes rather than the valued partners they are meant to be.

A lack of wise counsel can also deeply affect how younger wives handle marital challenges. Instead of seeking advice from older, spiritually mature women, many turn to their peers, who may lack experience and often encourage resentment rather than reconciliation. Jealous friends, in particular, can sabotage relationships, validating negative feelings and further causing division and destruction in your marriage. Without seeking counsel from women who have wisdom and experience, younger wives miss the opportunity for growth and healing in their marriages.

Remember, no one knows the intimate details of your marriage - so be very careful who you spill the details to, and be wary of their “advice”, as it is often given blindly.

You prayed for and dreamt about this husband at one time in your life, and it’s possible that a lack of gratitude has made you forget that on occasion! A complaining spirit often takes root when we fixate on what our husband is doing wrong rather than appreciating what he is doing right! This negative focus can breed discontentment, resentment, and a critical heart, making it difficult to see the good in our marriage. However, Scripture reminds us in 1 Thessalonians 5:18 to “give thanks in all circumstances,” because gratitude shifts our perspective. When we intentionally recognise and appreciate our husband’s efforts - no matter how small - we cultivate a heart of thankfulness that fosters peace, unity, and love within our marriage. A grateful spirit strengthens our relationships, helping us to see our husbands through the lens of grace rather than criticism.

Bearing all this in mind, it is wise to speak life over our husbands, pray for them, and seek biblical wisdom instead of venting to friends in a way that dishonours the marriage. Some issues do need outside help, and if you are experiencing abuse of any kind then you need to seek assistance, but for the “daily” ins and outs of marriage - instead of relying on friends to handle your relationship issues, communicate openly and respectfully with your husband!

Start by setting aside time to talk without distractions, sharing your feelings calmly, and with kindness. Make sure to practice active listening (even though that’s sometimes hard), seeking to understand his perspective, and work together to find solutions. If there are things that he isn’t listening to you about, try writing him a letter without accusatory language, and make your requests plain.

Men can’t often read between the lines and decipher subtle hints like women can. Be as subtle as a brick, but be graceful about it too!

If your friends or beloved family members are the ones that are complaining, then you can be an example to them. Gently let them know that while you understand the need to vent, you believe it’s important to respect your husbands and maintain a positive atmosphere. You might say something like, “I’ve found that speaking kindly about our husbands, even in tough times, helps keep our marriages strong and positive.”

Perhaps they’ll change, perhaps they won’t, but you would have at least given them something to think about! And at the very least, established boundaries around what is acceptable conversation in your presence.

Shutting down husband-bashing: My personal experience

I once went to dinner with a group of girlfriends, and as the night went on, the conversation quickly turned to complaints about their husbands. Each woman took her turn airing frustrations, while I sat quietly, feeling more and more uncomfortable. The negativity in the air was heavy, and I couldn’t help but feel unsettled. Then one of them turned to me with a smirk, almost sneering as she said, “Of course, it’s easy for you - you’re really in love.” The words stung, but they also made me pause. Was this how they saw my marriage; naive or unrealistic because I didn’t join in?

I know for a fact that these women would never have spoken about their husbands like this in a public forum - because appearances were everything - so why make this Freudian slip now, and so brazenly? It was a moment that made me reflect deeply on how easy it is to fall into a culture of complaining, and how much stronger our relationships could be if we chose to build up, rather than tear down.

Even if we traditional wives become a laughing stock, I’d much rather someone have the opinion of my marriage being rose-tinted, than play into their own hands and join such a destructive pattern of behaviour. It’s a choice.

The importance of speaking positively about your husband

Marriage isn’t always easy - sometimes it’s really hard, mine included. But even in those tough moments, choosing to stay positive and look for solutions can be the turning point, helping to turn struggles into growth and deepening the connection between you and your spouse. It’s that attitude others notice, showing them just how deeply in love you are. Your love isn’t perfect, but it’s a love that works - one that rises above challenges instead of dwelling in them, demonstrating that you’re a partnership built on resilience, commitment, and above all - mutual respect.

As wives, we have the opportunity to speak life into our marriages. Instead of following the world’s pattern of complaining, we can choose gratitude, prayer, and respectful communication. When frustrations arise, let’s turn first to our faith, the biblical instruction for marriage, and our vows. You are now one flesh - do not tear it apart with your words, for they are like a sword (Proverbs 12:18)!

Seek wise counsel, and speak words that build up rather than tear down. A traditional marriage isn’t about perfection; it’s about love, grace, and a heart committed to honouring your partner, your family, and God in all we do. By shifting our focus from complaints to encouragement, we create a home filled with peace, joy, and the blessings of a healthy marriage.

With love as always,

If you’d like to send me a question for us to explore here on the blog, on the topic of homemaking, faith, femininity, family, or marriage - you can do so here. I’m more than happy to change names in order to protect your anonymity if it is of a sensitive nature.